tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36872776875049696872024-03-12T18:55:01.614-07:00Yoga with SheilaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04202127596490205877noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3687277687504969687.post-65702133194949426052015-05-20T07:05:00.001-07:002015-05-20T10:15:12.636-07:00Hello Crisis, My Old Friend.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Last week I learned that my child is in trouble. Big trouble. The kind that requires drastic measures, outside help, money, time, and perhaps most importantly, unconditional super-mama love. If you've ever had a child who has struggled, you know exactly how this feels. It creates incredible disruption in the home, fills you with fear and uncertainty, and often requires fundamental shifts in every aspect of your life. It CAN be devastating and all consuming. I'm happy to tell you that for me, it is not. I feel astonishingly calm. I feel fully present to the crisis at hand, capable of dealing with ANY way that it unfolds and able to appreciate the rest of the blessings in my life, and I must say, I'm pretty surprised and amazed by my own reaction. There was a time when I would have been destroyed by the chaos. I know beyond a doubt that what I'm seeing now is the result of 15 years of Yoga. My practice has given me four incredible tools to deal with the current crisis, and I want to share them, both as an homage to the power of Yoga (which surprises and amazes me all the time), and as an offering for those of you who might also be going through difficult times.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">1. <b>Witness Consciousness:</b> The first gift of my yoga practice is the ability to be a full participant in my own experience while also witnessing it objectively and compassionately. For years on the mat I have learned to notice all of the sensations of my body, mind and breath in any given moment, and I have practiced stillness in some very uncomfortable and difficult postures. In some ways that practice has served as a sort of "boot camp" for real life. In the midst of the upheaval with my child, I can see clearly all of my own reactions. When the conversation is heated, when he becomes defensive, angry and indignant, I notice the waves of hurt, anger, and frustration that roll through, but rather than allowing them to control and direct my response, I am able to let them move by like passing storm clouds. I'm able to hold fast to equanimity and center, and that seems to carry both of us through the storm.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">2. <b>Letting Go of Control: </b>The Bhagavad Gita, one of the most important yoga texts, teaches that we are not the "doers." In other words, the universe is driven by much larger and more infinite consciousness than what we see before us, and while we are an individual expression of that consciousness we are certainly not in control of the way it manifest in our egoic world. When we become attached to the world of shape and form, we tend to believe that we can determine and manipulate every outcome. Letting go of this idea and the need for control is incredibly liberating. I have a Karmic responsibility and a mother's desire to give my child absolutely everything he needs to navigate this difficult time. I can and must put tools in place for him, but I understand that in the end, I have no control. So much of our suffering comes from this delusion that we CAN control every outcome, even in another's life. We become attached to our idea of how something SHOULD be, rendering us incapable of accepting how it is. When we learn to accept even the darkest of moments with grace, we save ourselves from the heartbreak of endless disappointment.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">3. <b>Unconditional Love: </b>Yoga classes often end with the salutation "Namaste" which is a perfect encapsulation of the main spritual presupposition in the practice. Ghandi defined the word this way: I honor the place within you where the entire Universe resides; I honor the place within you of love, of light, of truth, of peace; I honor the place within you that when you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, there is only one of us"<span style="color: #444444; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;"> Years of meditation and inner work have taught me to be acquainted with this place of infinite light and goodness that lies within, and more importantly, they have taught me to see that light in others even when they can't see it for themselves. My child has become lost in a world where this light is no longer visible to him. The gift of my practice is that I can still see it shining. This frees me from the anger and disappointment I might otherwise experience. It gives me the ability to truly love him unconditionally without expectations, exactly as he is in this moment.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #444444; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;">4. <b>Residing in the Now: </b>Ram Dass' famous book <u>Be Here Now</u> reminds us that the present moment is the only one that matters. Suffering comes from attaching to the past, either longing for things as they were or reliving the pain of things that were hurtful. It also comes from attaching to the future with fear and endless worry or with hard and fast expectations about how things must unfold. True peace can only be found in the present moment. It is this awareness and ability to reside in the "now" that may be the most powerful tool of all in weathering a crisis. Practicing presence in the moment allows me to feel joy in the things that are still very "right" with my current circumstance, my friendships, my teaching, my yoga practice, etc. I can fully enjoy and appreciate the beautiful moments as they occur. Furthermore, I am able to know that each moment is temporary, and that even the most difficult ones will pass creating space for something new. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #444444; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;">The combination of all of these tools allows me to welcome crisis as on old and familiar friend, here just for a moment, beyond my control, and perhaps even carrying gifts of wisdom and understanding. Hello Crisis, my old friend. Looks like we're going to be together for a while....</span></span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04202127596490205877noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3687277687504969687.post-73971616379327005162014-05-06T04:49:00.001-07:002014-05-06T04:49:19.740-07:00Claim Your Power: 5 Simple Ways to Change Your Life and Live Like the High Priestess You Are Meant to Be.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In the past six months, I have had the opportunity to sit with two different Intuitives/Psychics who have read my tarot cards. I don't put a whole lot of stock in this, but the card that keeps coming up for me is the Priestess. First the "High Priestess" and then "The Priestess of Cups." Both times the card fell in the identity position. I can't say I really understand all that this means or that I believe any of it, and I know that it can be interpreted in a myriad of ways, but I have to admit, I love the idea of sitting in the role of a Priestess. For years, I have joked about the fact that if there is such a thing as a past life I think I must have been some sort of Druid Priestess. I love nature and ritual and magic, spirit and mystery, and of course, long flowing dresses and wind in my hair. Who wouldn't want to live like a Priestess? A priestess is powerful and mesmerizing, capable and confident. She is who we should all be, and the truth is, it's easy. Here's how you can make five subtle shifts and manifest that strength in your own life.<br />
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1. <b>Immerse Yourself in Nature</b>. We live in a sterile, commodified, materialistic world that has separated us from the environment and filled us with fear. We are told to protect ourselves from the elements, hide in the shade, avoid pollen, fear bugs and snakes and crawly thing. A Priestess does not live in fear! She knows her connection to nature brings power and magic to her life. Stop protecting yourself from the elements so thoroughly! Let the sun warm and bronze your skin. Sink your bare feet into the earth. Dive into icy water. Feel the wind in your hair. Make friends with spiders and snakes. Adopt a companion animal. Watch the sun rise and set. Breathe in moonlight and stars. Let the rain wash you clean and realign with the elements.<br />
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2. <b>Light a Fire...literally and metaphorically</b>. Thousands of years ago fire was used not only for heat and protection, but for ritual and ceremony. It served as a gathering place, as a tool for burning away impurity, a fuel for alchemy and creation. Bring this back into your life. Build a fire pit. Write down the things that are preventing you from living in your full power and truth and drop them in as an offering. Become mesmerized by dancing flames and glowing coals. Listen to the pops and crackles and embody the power at the center of the heat. Then ignite just as powerful a flame in your own heart. Discover your passion and fuel it with dreams and visions, with big ideas and the magic of hope. Let that inner fire light the way towards the life you want.<br />
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3. <b>Cultivate a Community (but don't fear seclusion)</b>. A Priestess stands strong in the center of a group of like-minded people. She inspires others and draws inspiration from them as well. She knows that we exist for connection, and she craves that. Choose carefully. Make sure your community is authentic, that you uplift each other. Wrap your arms around a friend who shares the struggles of her journey with you, and allow yourself to be held when your heart is breaking and world is crumbling. Feel the healing power of sisterhood as the divine feminine courses through you all. At the same time, allow yourself time to be alone. Seclusion is fuel for the fire in your heart. It allows you to listen to the wisdom of your own intuition so that your offering to the group is authentic and powerful.<br />
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4. <b>Own Your Sexuality.</b> A Priestess is a powerful, sensual being, not because she cheapens her sexuality by giving it away frivolously, but because she knows its power and guards it wisely. She is attractive because she knows her value and never barters it away with her body. Connect with your beautiful, sensual nature by taking care of yourself. Let go of shame. Massage your skin with pure, organic oils and watch it glow with magical luster and radiance. Walk around naked in your home. Let your hips sway when you walk. Toss your hair back when you laugh. Strengthen your muscles. Stretch languorously like a cat. Learn to love your body no matter how curvy, soft, or imperfect it may be. When you feel desirable, everyone around you will feel it too. There is enormous power in this. Know it, and use it wisely.<br />
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5. <b>Find a path to God and invite other people to join you on the journey</b>. The primary role of a Priestess in ancient times was to lead people to Spirit, but you can't be a guide until you have made the journey yourself. Whatever that looks like for you, commit to it. Create a "Sadhana," a spiritual practice, that enriches and enlivens your soul, and use the fire you have ignited to adhere to it with unwavering discipline. Create rituals for yourself that keep you on the path. Seek the divine everywhere, even in the places that might seem profane. Know that once the veil of illusion lifts, everything becomes Holy. Then point that Holiness out to others. Help them see what you see. Let the light shine through your eyes so that they can find it in their own hearts.<br />
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It's simple, really. Choose today to embrace your power and become the High Priestess you were meant to be!<br />
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(to be published soon on <a href="http://elephantjournal.com/">ElephantJournal.com</a>)<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04202127596490205877noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3687277687504969687.post-86245534765595968772014-04-20T07:34:00.000-07:002014-04-23T16:33:47.730-07:00What Nobody Tells You About Yoga Teacher Training<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This year I co-taught my first 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training. It was an incredible privilege to watch a group of beautiful yogis and yoginis dive deeper into their practice, face their insecurities, embrace their new roles with courage and authenticity and connect with each other, but I also felt their frustration as they struggled in ways that they never anticipated.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">At the same time, I completed my own 500 hour training. I was a bit more prepared for the roller coaster ride that it would be, but even so, I found the same issues emerging for myself that were happening in my students. Most of us go into Yoga teacher training because we have been deeply touched by our practice, we have been inspired by a wonderful teacher, we want to learn more, and we want to share what we learn with others. We expect the training to offer all that we currently enjoy in yoga and more, and the truth is, for the most part, that is what we get, but some things about YTT are never told to us. This is my list of the top 3:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">#1. </span><b style="font-family: inherit;">Yoga Teacher Training Will Change Your Life</b><span style="font-family: inherit;">: Oh, I know you are all thinking that you've heard that a million times. I did too sometime before I embarked on my first training. But I never really questioned what that would mean. I assumed it meant that I would live more mindfully, that I would be more spiritual, that I would connect to a cool group of people. What I didn't know was that my life would be thrown into utter upheaval. When I went into teacher training, I was married and content, living a very stable and suburban (and superficial) lifestyle with my 2 children, beautiful home and 2 dogs. It was everything we are told to believe we should want and need. Having completed that training and another, I am divorced. I am raising 2 teenagers and 3 dogs alone. Most of my former friends are not in my life anymore. I have opened a yoga studio, live with enormous financial instability, travel all over the world to teach and practice yoga, and can hardly fathom my previous life. My story is not unusual. I meet people all the time who have had a similar experience. Chrys Kub published an article in Elephant Journal in February 2012 while I was deep in the muck of separation and an unraveling marriage that resonated profoundly with me. The title is "Question of the Day: Does Practicing Yoga Cause Divorce?" In it she divulges her own experience that bears a striking similarity to my own, and she concludes that "as women begin this process of rediscovering themselves [through yoga], many times the </span>husbands<span style="font-family: inherit;"> do not come along for the ride. They just sit idly by, saying we are "crazy" and too into that "yoga stuff." Meanwhile, their wives are slipping away, and probably never coming back." In reclaiming your authentic self as we do in yoga and particularly in the hard work of teacher training, you risk losing those who have fallen in love </span>with the false persona that you may have been wearing for years. Sometimes that may be husbands or wives, sometimes friends or family members. The deeper practices of yoga may be incomprehensible to many of the people in your life, and many of them will walk out as a result. This kind of "change" can be extraordinarily painful and unexpected<span style="color: #343434; font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 21px;">, but it can lead to a life of abundant and authentic connection because the ones who stick around will be those who truly care about you.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #343434;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 21px;">#2<b> There Will Be Times When Yoga Teacher Training Will MakeYou Hate Yoga</b>: When I began training, I thought I would relish the opportunity to practice everyday, but I was accustomed to </span></span><span style="line-height: 21px;">practicing</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 21px;"> primarily in a studio, with a beloved teacher, surrounded by friends. My pre-YTT yoga practice didn't require me to think at all. I showed up, and all was carefully prepared and crafted for me. In training, I had to develop a personal practice, and I had to do it amidst all of the other brain-stretching, overwhelming information I was trying to digest. Most days I loved rising at 5:30 and stumbling into the adjoining room in my pajamas to work through my sadhana (a fully engrained morning ritual now), but occasionally, I held a visceral hatred for my early morning alarm. I was frustrated by trying to do my practice and learn sanskrit names for postures at the same time. My own sequencing </span></span><span style="line-height: 21px;">didn't feel as seamless and fluid as the classes I had attended for years. I longed for the days when a class was served up perfectly balanced for me to savor and enjoy. The same was true of the many hours spent in training. For the first few sessions, I sat wide-eyed and delighted. I wanted to remember every moment, every word, every nuance of what my teachers were sharing, but eventually, I found myself getting annoyed with some of my fellow students' questions, watching the clock to see when the anatomy lesson would end, feeling like I wanted to crawl out of my skin if I had to listen for one more minute. I chastised myself for that reaction and I felt like an inadequate yogi for my lack of attention and interest. What I know now is that those reactions to both my personal practice and the class sessions were common, and that in many ways they were a sign of my resistance to incredible changes that were awakening in me. Yoga is first and foremost a tool to awakening self-realization, and self-realization ultimately means a deep awareness of one-ness with all. This kind of emotional and Spiritual growth is hard, and your ego-identity has a stake in resisting. As you begin to shake off the part of the mind that keeps you separate from and in competition with other beings, as you begin to recognize the unity and divinity of all, resistance shows up in subtle but powerful ways, as boredom, as irritation, as doubt, or as any number of other things. There is safety in staying small, and part of your consciousness fears growth and transformation. The practice is to begin to recognize these states in yourself so that you can move past them mindfully and enjoy the full depth of your experience. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #343434;"><span style="line-height: 21px;">3. <b>You Will Graduate from Yoga Teacher Training Feeling Like You Know Very Little.</b> When I registered for training, I assumed that I would complete it with a similar body of knowledge to that of my favorite teachers. I really had no idea what, exactly, I would learn, but I figured it couldn't be too much. Ha! How little I knew! Yoga is an ancient practice, and the body of information around philosophy, language, energy, anatomy, history, traditions and myriad other categories is almost incomprehensibly large. Even after completing 500 hours of training, I feel like I am still at the very surface. I have learned a great deal, but there is much that I still long to know. At the end of your 200 hour training, you will probably feel as if you have been offered a glimpse into this seemingly inexhaustible supply of information, but it will feel slippery at best. It will take more depth, time and training to really grasp some of what you are taught initially, and some of it will elude you for years. See this as a blessing, not a source of frustration. Yoga offers the opportunity to grow and learn ad infinitum. You get to explore your own vast inner experience even as you absorb the ancient wisdom and knowledge of those who have traveled before you. Each workshop and training you do, each book that you read, each wise teacher who inspires you, will enrich not only your ability to teach, but your ability to realize your full human potential. You will likely NEVER exhaust this well of knowledge. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #343434;"><span style="line-height: 21px;">If someone had shared this list with me before I began my first training, I probably would have completely disregarded it. In my hubris, I would have thought it may apply to a lot of people, but I would be different. Perhaps that is your reaction too, and perhaps that is a good thing. How many of us would still sign on if we knew what really lay before us? Despite it all, though, the experience of becoming a yoga teacher has been one of the best of my life (second only to being a mother). I live my life with a full open heart and enormous gratitude for the richness of my experience and for the beautiful souls who have shared the journey with me. For me, there really was no choice. Though I didn't understand what was happening, a part of my soul was crying out for something more than the way I was living my life. In the words of Anaïs Nin:</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><i>"the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” </i></span><br />
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If that day has also come for you. welcome it and enjoy the ride!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04202127596490205877noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3687277687504969687.post-12452774258193007622014-04-20T06:38:00.000-07:002018-04-01T04:18:50.070-07:00A Lifetime of Easters<br />
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I grew up Catholic. I attended Catholic School for 16 years, all the way through college. I faithfully attended Mass on Sundays and Holy Days. My mother was a former Catholic Nun. My father was a lector, a choir member and a leader on the parish council, my brother was an altar boy. My Grandparents belonged to an elite Catholic society called the Order of the Holy Sepulchre. I practiced piano in a convent, held my first job in a rectory, and had my first kiss in the choir loft of the church. My entire childhood revolved around the church, and most of my friends' lives did too, especially during Holy Week.<br />
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Beginning with Palm Sunday, the Catholic Church shifts into high ceremonial gear. Over the course of one week, the devout Catholic will experience and often participate personally in processions, the waving of palm fronds, foot washing ceremonies, veneration of inanimate objects, candlelight incantations, public baptisms and confirmations, elaborate hymns, multicolored vestments and altar cloths, incense, trumpets and exuberant exhortations in an unrivaled ritualistic feast.<br />
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As a young girl with a devout heart and a flair for pageantry and drama, I loved most of the Holy Week ceremony. It offered a change from the usual Sunday routine, and the many hours sitting in the pew were generally offset by free time to romp with friends afterwards while our parents talked or readied the Church for the next event. The only exception, for me, was Good Friday. After the Holy Thursday Mass commemorating Jesus' Last Supper, the altar was stripped bare, the instruments were silenced, and the candles were snuffed. The Friday service was solemn and devoid of all of the trappings that spoke to my soul. It was a cold and lifeless routine in which I was asked, along with the rest of the congregation to play a role in the reading of the passion, reciting, on cue, "Crucify Him! Crucify Him!" as we shouldered our responsibility for the death of our God. I cringed every time I uttered those words. I believed that had I lived at that time, I would not have been one of the crowd calling for death, that I would have gone against the grain and defended goodness and Truth. <br />
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Would I ever have "Crucified Him?"<br />
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All these years later, things have changed for me. I don't participate in the Catholic Holy Week ritual anymore, but it is never far from my mind as these days come each year, and I have given a lot of thought to what it all means and to how I feel the stories of Jesus' Glorification, Death and Resurrection relate to me. What I have learned through my yoga is that we don't need to seek God in any Church or authority because the light of divinity resides in each one of us. It is the part of us that remains unaffected by outside circumstance, that is constant, whole and infinite, unchanged even when our smaller self, the one that holds tight to our constructs of ourselves as individuals with unique and important identities convinces us otherwise. Through the practices of yoga, and specifically meditation, we learn to empower that Higher Consciousness in ourselves, and by doing so, we learn to embody it in our lives and relationships. Even further, we learn to recognize it in all other beings.<br />
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Nonetheless, we can never escape the endless cycle of oscillation between the ego self and the Divine Self. This is the human experience, and it shows up in much the same way as Easter Week. When we choose a path of spirituality, we are like Jesus' entering the city of Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, prepared to lead, greeted as wise, in control of the moment and radiating goodness. We cultivate meaningful friendships. We choose our sangha, or spiritual community, carefully and surrender to our intuition and spirit as he did at the Last Supper. We claim our place in the community of Higher Consciousness.<br />
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But Good Friday comes for us all, and even when we have identified that "still, small voice within" that guides us to Truth and uplifts our spirit, the fact is, that, for the most part, we all CHOOSE to crucify it. We numb ourselves with unhealthy relationships, with substances, with media, or with any one of dozens of other degrading options. We kill the "Christ," the anointed or highest part of ourselves again and again. Sometimes we fall short of our ideal and do this on a daily basis, sometimes just now and then, but it is part of the experience of being human. And because it is, we need not label it as bad, or evil, or shameful, because the real "Good News" is that no matter how far we bury the light within, no matter how heavy the stone we roll over the tomb, it still shines. When we have faith in the truth of our own light, when we find our way back again and again to its source in our heart, Easter comes, and our highest self triumphs, at least until the cycle begins again: We find the light, we crucify it, it is reborn brighter than before. Many who espouse Eastern philosophies like Buddhism and Hinduism would say that the cycle continues not just in this lifetime but into the next and the next and the next.<br />
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And so this year, though I will miss the rituals of my youth, I will still choose to celebrate Easter...the triumph of light over dark, of goodness over evil. I will create my own pageantry as I light candles, do yoga, and meditate. I will offer my gratitude for the fully human aspect of Jesus who showed us the path to our own divinity through his enlightenment, and I will resolve, once again, to roll back the stone and free the light in my own soul.<br />
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Kate Mullane Robertson says it so much more beautifully.....treat yourself to a full read of this poem. It is well worth it:<br />
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<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">“I am a </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">nestling,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">a Phoenix,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">a sweet </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">something </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">emerging, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">emerging,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">emerging... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">never born </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and never dying </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">only self-immolation </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and resurrection </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">self-immolation </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and resurrection </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">self-immolation and </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">resurrection, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">resurrection, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">resurrection... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">over, and over,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and over</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">again... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and again.. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">but, I am ready. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">Sometimes it is the </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">heart that burns, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">white hot and </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">fervent... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">smiling, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">eager for the resurrection </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and sometimes </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">it is the body... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the body of selfish desires,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the body of spectred dreams,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the body of wants and woes, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">sorrows and imaginings </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I am not afraid </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">of the </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">immolation</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">bring it on...</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">but </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">refuse to </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">live in the vestibule of</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">in between, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the space </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">where the ego </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">still stands </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">pained </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">by the </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">letting go </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I welcome the </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">Phoenix fire,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">let it burn </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">thoroughly,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">fervently,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">hot and </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">scrupulously --</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">an </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">all-consuming </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">incineration of </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">whatever would </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">keep me from </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">loving without reason, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">unconditionally, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and with abandon </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">Let its flames engulf </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the me, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the my, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the mine </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">of </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">success...</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and failure, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">of what I think I've earned... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and what I'll </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">never be... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">let the veneer, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the scarred paint,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the flash of self </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">blister and </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">peel </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">in the </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">heat of unselfed </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">loving... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I am weary of </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">carrying around </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">not quite</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">incinerated ashes </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">of resistance, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the almost immolated shards</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">of sharpness and arrogance,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the pulverized</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">still peppered </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">with bits of bone </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and broken incisors,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the bitter fragments of </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">all </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">that once </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">gnashed and gnawed </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">at the details of </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">who's to blame,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">of he said/she said,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">of human choices made, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and what went wrong... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">a limboed </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">state of </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">regret and pride, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">of what we wanted, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">or </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">what could have been... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I want</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">no, more! </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I long for, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I ache to know </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">complete </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">dissolution of </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the veiled ego, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the clouded past, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the "what never was" </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and is </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">no </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">longer, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and really </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">shouldn't be... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I can do this,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I know I can</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I can walk so fully into the </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">fire </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">that there is nothing </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">left </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">to carry back out </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">but the gold, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the silver, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the whatever is essential, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">eternal, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">what lives beyond and </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">never dies</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">no rust... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">no dross... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">no smell of fire... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">just a sweet nestling me</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">as pure </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">as the </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">"form of the fourth"* </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">There is no flickering ember of </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the past's tinseled </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">moments of selfish </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">indulgence and accomplishment, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the genetic grime </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">of dark alleys </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">filled with ghosts </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">sorrows waiting </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">to pull me down,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">down,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">down,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and yet</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">still further </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">down.... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">no bits and pieces of </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">another time, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">a former me, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">a maybe him,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">or "what if her" </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">left to cling </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">to new </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">downy feathers,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">soft and wet </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">as we </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">emerge from the </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">clean, white </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">ash of </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">this </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">God-stoked </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">Phoenix </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">pyre. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">Just dust and </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">ash... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">fine as silt </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">to soften the journey </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">like a powdery </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">Colorado </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">snowfall... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">just a dusting, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">quickly blown away by </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">Spirit --</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">Pneuma's </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">fresh winds of </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I am --</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">now,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">always </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">now. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">yes, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I am! </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I am </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">innocent,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">pure,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">good,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">willing,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">open,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">eager,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">unsullied,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">sweet,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">gentle,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">kind,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">new </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I am </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the I AM </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">that never was a </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">"was" </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and seeks no promise </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">of </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">who </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">she </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">will be. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">But sings the </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">sweet silver </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">song of </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I am,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I am,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I am,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I am </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">all that </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">the </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">I AM</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">that</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">is </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">today, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">right now, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">in this moment </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">of grace... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">"here am I, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">send me...” </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: "georgia" , serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">― </span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8058425.Kate_Mullane_Robertson" style="background-color: white; color: #666600; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-decoration: none;">Kate Mullane Robertson</a></i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04202127596490205877noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3687277687504969687.post-5338559084941740052014-03-18T13:39:00.000-07:002014-03-18T13:40:25.114-07:00Mesquites and Mangroves...More on the Instagram Challenge<div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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In my last post, "No Pictures for this Yogi," I addressed MY OWN reluctance to engage in the kinds of Instagram and Facebook Yoga Pose challenges that have been circulating online. I did so because I had been wrestling with my own demons, ego and temptation, and I wanted to clarify for myself why I felt the way that I did. As a writer, I often find that the only way for me to make sense of things is to give them words, and my last blog was my exploration of a topic that was unsettled for me. When I went on to publish, it also became public, and since it did, it has sparked a mountain of reaction.<br />
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Some of the feedback has been very positive. Many people sent me notes to let me know that they felt the same, but much of it has been negative. Some people who I love, admire and respect felt judged for posting pictures, and they felt like the blog was aimed at them. Today's post is meant to clarify anything that may have been misunderstood.<br />
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Let me be clear: I did not in any way mean to imply that there is anything intrinsically negative, demeaning, shallow or superficial about taking or posting pictures in beautiful yoga poses. I know that many of you have used these challenges as tools to help you grow your practice physically, emotionally and spiritually. I know that for many of you it has been more of a lesson in humility than ego as you post pictures of yourselves in less than perfect alignment. I know that for many of you it has helped you reclaim a sense of place, a feeling of belonging to a community, a visibility that you may have shied away from for years. Those are all beautiful and amazing benefits, and I honor your willingness to engage in that exploration. In some ways I even envy your ability to do so in a way that is uplifting.<br />
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FOR ME, engaging with yoga through pictures like this would not have been healthy. I say this with the utmost humility and recognition that I have much inner work left to do. For many years, I bought into the myth of superficiality that is pervasive in our culture. I believed that if I was thin enough and pretty enough, if I wore the right shoes and the right brand names, that I would be happy. When I began to practice yoga, I became less concerned with how my body looked and more concerned with what it could do. But even then, I felt like if I could stretch far enough, balance well enough, flow freely enough, assume inversions, bend backwards, and bind, I would be satisfied. I spent hours working towards a "perfection" that I know is completely unattainable. I am not proud of those attitudes. It has taken a lot of effort and self inquiry to overcome them and embrace the truth that spirit and consciousness resist form and tangible expression. Nevertheless, I remain profoundly aware that the demon is not vanquished but merely subdued, and I know that for me a challenge that requires me to post pictures of myself everyday would feed the worst of me, not the best.<br />
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Just like plants and trees, human beings derive nourishment and find what they need to grow in various ways. Some trees, like the Mesquite, throw down a tap root 60 feet deep. They gather what they need to fulfill their potential from dark and unseen places. Some trees are more like the Mangrove. They spread their roots along the surface above the ground and can nourish themselves in the open air visible to all. Both trees are beautiful, both are growing, both are gathering what they need to thrive and develop. It seems that yogis are like this too. I am more of a Mesquite, but that doesn't make me value the Mangroves any less.<br />
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I think this is an important discussion. If there is one thing we ought to have gained from our yoga practice, it is the awareness that nothing should be beyond examination. One of my teachers talks frequently of the necessity for "ruthless" self-observation. If after engaging in that kind of inquiry you find that an Instagram challenge is useful to you, I applaud you, and I will be the first one to "like" your post. But I hope that as a community, we can also bring some awareness to why these poses are valuable. Perhaps a sentence or two about what it means to you, about what you hope the observer will "see" in it, about your journey. Let's give it a context and help people understand what this practice is all about.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04202127596490205877noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3687277687504969687.post-48976575061607273702014-03-17T15:16:00.000-07:002014-03-17T15:16:52.815-07:00No Pictures for this Yogi<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px; text-align: start;">“True yoga</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 14px; line-height: 25px; text-align: start;"> is not about the shape of your body, but the shape of your life. Yoga is not to be performed; yoga is to be lived. Yoga doesn’t care about what you have been; yoga cares about the person you are becoming. Yoga is designed for a vast and profound purpose, and for it to be truly called yoga, its essence must be embodied.” — Aadil Palkhivala</span></div>
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If you are on Facebook or Instagram, you have no doubt seen images everyday of beautiful yogis doing amazing and seemingly impossible poses. Many of my dearest friends are doing this, and they are exquisite, their pictures artistically staged, perfectly executed examples of some of the most challenging yoga asana.</div>
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Everyday, sometimes several times a day, I see these pictures, and I am tempted to jump into the game, to grab a friend and make her a photographer and strike my own poses. I have spent many years learning and often teaching the nuances of alignment to get there, so why not show it off? </div>
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Let me be clear that I am not judging anyone who is posting these pictures. I know that you are having a great deal of fun, and I know the discipline, focus and inner exploration it takes to create these shapes in the body, but FOR ME, this would be an unhealthy game.</div>
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For me, yoga is much more than asana or poses. Patanjali's Yoga Sutras lays out an eight limbed path to "Yoga" which he defines as "Chitta Vritti Nirodhah" or the stilling of the fluctuations of the mind. This means far more than simply quieting the thoughts that appear unbidden. It means learning to connect with that still, silent, peaceful aspect of one's Self that is eternal, infinite and whole, and in doing so, uniting the finite self with Infinite Consciousness. This seemingly intangible, esoteric ideal, according to the Sutras, is achievable through rigorous adherence to the eight limbs: Yamas (restraints), Niyamas ( observances), Pranayama (control of the energy body through breath), Asana, Pratyahara (withdrawal of the senses), Dharana (disciplined focus of the mind), Dhyana (the flow of meditation) and Samadhi (a state of undifferentiated, non-dualistic "being"). </div>
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One of the side effects of rigorous practice of all eight limbs is that we can gain incredible control over the body and mold it into the kinds of poses that are appearing in these pictures. It is tempting for me to allow the ego to run amok with the desire to achieve perfection in them and to glory in the attainment of them, and I have fallen into this pattern at various times throughout my practice. It is a subtle and powerful attraction that can turn our efforts into simple showmanship, our deep inner work into surface display, and I am wary of falling into that trap. </div>
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Furthermore, it sends a message to our non-yogi friends that yoga IS about the poses. As a teacher and studio owner, the most common fear that I encounter from those who are coming to class for the first time is that they will be unable to do various things: that they can't touch their toes, that they are inflexible, that they can't sit in a cross-legged position. These insecurities may have kept them from trying yoga for many years, thereby preventing them from enjoying the rich benefits of the more subtle aspects of the practice. This is not the perception of yoga that I want to promote. I want people to know that Yoga is for everyone, and that the ability to shift into any particular position or pose is unimportant. As long as safe alignment is practiced, as long as breath and movement are united, as long as the mind is focused, anyone can do yoga and experience the same transformative results as those who can do the most difficult poses. </div>
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For me, yoga is a journey that can't possibly be captured in a picture, or even in 30 pictures. To truly see my yoga practice, you would need to crawl into my mind for my 90 minute sadhana everyday. You would have to wrestle my demons and insecurities with me, observe the nuances of sensation in the most subtle energetic experiences, know the bliss when I achieve equanimity even for a moment on the mat, sense the shifts from pose to pose, breath to breath. For me, Yoga is about what I can become, not what I can do. It is about who I am, not what I look like. It is about practice, not perfection. </div>
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These are the things I want you to know about yoga. I haven't figured out how to film any of that on camera, but when I do, I'll be sure to launch my own 30 Day Instagram Challenge. </div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04202127596490205877noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3687277687504969687.post-64427140636829863542013-12-19T14:11:00.000-08:002013-12-19T14:11:46.035-08:00 Another Take on Christmas Cheer <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is a blog that has been swirling in my mind since the beginning of December, and I have hesitated to write it for reasons that will become apparent as you read on. It is an exercise in humility for me. I am a "stiff upper lip" New England girl, a "sunshine and rainbows" yogini, a steady and grounded meditator. I am not often one to share the struggles until they are resolved, to air the discontent until it has been transmuted into equanimity. But I have concluded that there may be as much value in exposing my vulnerability as there is in demonstrating my strength. I hope that in doing so, we can all begin to shed the masks that we put on for one another and embrace the fullness of our emotional experience even when it is raw and unsettled.<br />
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As I write this, I am sitting in a coffee shop. Acoustic Christmas music is playing overhead, a mother with three children dressed in look-alike holiday outfits is in line, and a group of ladies in sweaters that should have been retired in the early 90s is exchanging gifts. I am quite literally surrounded by holiday cheer, and the more I see of it, the more I want to crawl under the covers until it is over.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, I used to love Christmas. It was my absolute favorite time of year. As a child, I lived in awe of the magic. I believed wholeheartedly in Santa Clause, looked for elves behind my bedroom curtains, and dreamed of reindeer hoofs on my roof. When I was in college, I dragged my roommates out to buy a tree for our apartment and took the bus to downtown Baltimore to see the decorations and choose gifts for my family. At 20, I got engaged after a performance of the Nutcracker, and at 22, I got married 3 days after Christmas surrounded by Poinsettias and Evergreen. As a young mother, I spent days baking cookies and decorating my house, hosting parties and writing cards. My heart would fill to overflowing when I sat on the couch in the light of the tree with my kids snuggled up at my side, and when I woke up on Christmas morning, I would literally weep with gratitude at the abundance in my life.<br />
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That was then.<br />
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Two years ago in the first week of December, on the very day that we put the tree up, my marriage of almost 20 years ended. My life fell into complete disarray, and the curtain closed forever on Christmas magic. I still go through the motions. I send gifts to everyone I know, and I decorate. I even manage to bake a couple of batches of cookies, but my heart is heavy, and I know I am not alone.<br />
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My ache is painful, and my longing for Christmas Past is palpable, but there are others like me. In fact, there are those who suffer from much deeper heart ache. There are parents who have lost children, widows and widowers spending the season alone for the first time. There are those who don't have money to buy a gift for their loved ones, and those who live far away from family members. There are people who have just been diagnosed with life threatening diseases, who have lost their homes or their jobs, who live in places in the world where there is no security or freedom. The list of things that could compromise Christmas Cheer is long, and the number of people on that list is beyond measure.<br />
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I am not writing this to elicit sympathy. The truth is that despite the sadness I feel around this time of year, I am very blessed. I have two beautiful teenagers, a business that I love passionately, a comfortable home, extended family support and wonderful friends. I am writing to shed light on those for whom this time is dark. I hope to offer a reminder that as we move through the season it might be worthwhile to be a little more tender right now. The busy-ness factor picks up in these last few days before the 25th, the amount of stress increases in direct proportion and the amount of patience decreases. Take the time to pause, take a breath, open your heart, and consider what some of the people around you might be experiencing. Offer a smile instead of a scowl, a kind word instead of a rebuke, a prayer instead of a curse. Let that be your gift to the world, and you may just notice that it is a gift to yourself as well.<br />
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And if, like me, you are one of the ones who struggles through this month, know that you are not alone. I offer my own heavy heart to you. May our joining together in spirit bring us the joy we cannot find apart.<br />
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A Very Merry Christmas to each of you.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04202127596490205877noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3687277687504969687.post-54614147940194681022013-05-30T18:57:00.002-07:002013-05-30T18:57:25.042-07:00"To the destructive element, submit" <span style="background-color: #fffcf6; color: #333333; font-family: verdana, Arial, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">"<i>The way is to the destructive element submit yourself, and with the exertions of your hands and feet in the water make the deep, deep sea keep you up</i>." Joseph Conrad</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When I was a child, my family spent part of every summer in Cape Cod where we languished all day on the beaches of the National Seashore and bundled up for nights watching baseball games or sitting on the cliff overlooking the moonlit bay. We synched our rhythms to the tides and the sun, and we sought out the beaches with the biggest surf to satisfy our thirst for adventure. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">At many of the ocean beaches on the Cape, the waves are unpredictable, <span style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">coming in short intervals and rising quickly to huge heights before crashing powerfully onto the rocks below at high tide and rolling gracefully over sandbars in long whirlpools of crested spray at low tide.</span> Lovers of the water, like my family and me, needed to know how to navigate these fluctiations to avoid being bashed into the rocky shoreline or dragged into the vast ocean. I learned as a small girl that there were only three possible choices for staying safe in the tumult. You could face the horizon and dive into the belly of the wave, emerging in the tranquil waters on the other side. You could get beyond the crest and float above as it rolled beneath you, or you could turn to face the shore, lift your feet off of the ground and take your chances with a ride all the way in to the beach. This third option was always my preference. I loved being carried along by the rolling energy beneath me, stretching my body over the top, connecting my breath to the flow of the water, and taking my chances with the landing. Most of the time, I would arrive safely onshore in a swirl of receding ocean, but every so often, if I miscalculated, or resisted, I would get tossed about underneath, swirling and scraping, bumping and bouncing between the rocks and the surf. I would find my way out bruised and disoriented, often just in time for the next wave to knock me down again, and until I could steady and soften myself to reconnect to the rhythm of the sea, I would continue to fall.</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It turns out, these early forays into the water have served me well as an adult. For the past 18 months, I have been caught in an incredibly powerful series of potentially devastating waves. Since December 2011, I have had a cancer scare and 2 surgeries (all is well, thankfully). I have gotten separated and divorced. I have fallen in love and had my heart broken. I have opened a yoga studio. I have begun an advanced yoga teacher training and completed half of it. I have traveled to Costa Rica, the Bahamas (twice), Jamaica, the Berkshires of Massachusetts (twice), Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, St. Petersburg, Paris, London and Africa. I have adopted a puppy, and I have been steadily and mostly independently raising two teenagers and three dogs while maintaining a home. All of it has been much like riding that surf of my childhood. Each wave presented a choice to either resist, dive in, float over, or go for a ride, and, for the most part, true to my girlhood self, I have chosen to embrace the ride, but I have also made mistakes along the way. I have miscalculated and fallen out of synch with my own rhythms and the rhythms of the Infinite energy surrounding me, and I have learned my lessons the hard way by getting bashed into the rocks, emerging disoriented and afraid, and finding other waves looming ominously above me. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">I suspect that I am not alone in this experience. Many of us are stumbling through rocky ground trying to find our way out of difficult currents.</span> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The good news is that this is an inquiry we get to explore every day that we come to the mat in yoga. Every pose offers an opportunity to ride the wave, to surrender to sensation and find a way to deeply connect to the flow of the Prana Body. It is not always blissful…a miscalculation, a failure to attune to the subtleties of the alignment or energy, a choice to stiffen when we should surrender or to pull back when we should dive more deeply can render us exhausted and disoriented, leaving us flattened on the metaphorical beach ready to give up instead of moving back towards the infinite sea. But we must remember again and again that crashing and getting tossed about is just as integral to the process of self discovery as floating effortlessly over the top. Each experience deepens the next and recalibrates the natural inclinations of the body to find their way back to the rhythms of Nature. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It seems that in the tumult of life experience both on and off the mat, whether we know it or not, the only way to gain safe passage in the end is to focus, flow, and finally... let go and ride the wave, and if you </span>find<span style="font-family: inherit;"> yourself lost and rolling helplessly in the middle, take some advice from Rilke: </span></div>
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<i>In this immeasurable darkness, be the power<br />that rounds your senses in their magic ring,<br />the sense of their mysterious encounter.<br /><br />And if the earthly no longer knows your name,<br />whisper to the silent earth: I'm flowing.<br />To the flashing water say: I am.</i><br />-Rainer Maria Rilke</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04202127596490205877noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3687277687504969687.post-13976070177154313752013-02-13T16:37:00.001-08:002013-02-13T16:53:06.483-08:00"Now I Become Myself"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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One year ago today, I opened Johns Creek Yoga.<br />
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It seems almost impossible that I am already celebrating this first anniversary, and yet virtually everything about my life has changed over the course of this year. </div>
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As joyful as that opening day was, when I unlocked that door on February 13, 2012, my life was in ruins. Two months prior, my husband of 20 years and I had separated under paralyzingly painful circumstances, my children were struggling, I was healing from a major surgery, and I had no idea how I would find the strength to support my dream. All I knew was that I NEEDED this. A tiny voice had been whispering to me for years saying "more...you need more....there is something more...find it...build it." And when my husband moved out, the voice became a scream. I had no choice but to listen. I was yearning for a community of authentic, introspective people: people who were committed to making the world and themselves better and kinder; people who were thirsty for knowledge about the mysteries of the universe and interested in exploring the depths of their souls for answers. The creation of the studio was an "if you build it, they will come" invitation to people I didn't even know, and as much as I wanted them to show up, I was wracked with fear and doubt and my vision was clouded by the trauma in my life.</div>
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In the midst of my despair, I dove into my own yoga practice with a vigor that I never had before. I woke up early to practice and meditate, I took breaks from readying the studio to practice more, I ended each day with Pigeon Pose and more meditation, and I broke into a million pieces in the process. I shed more tears on the mat in those first few months than I knew a body could contain. And I healed. Little by little, day by day I grew stronger. </div>
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What's more, I learned more about the power of Yoga during that time than I had in the whole 12 years I had practiced prior. All of the lovely words and philosophy, the information about the energetic body and how it connected to emotion, suddenly became completely visceral. I KNEW, without any doubt, that there was a completely whole, perfect, calm, strong, capable Self at the center of my being that could sustain me if I could access it. I knew it because I could access it on the mat. I found peace there and it began to seep into my life off of the mat. I found strength there, and it began to sustain me off the mat. I found compassion there, and it allowed me to forgive and leave the past behind. </div>
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While I was healing, every day, amazing, inspiring, compassionate people were showing up in my life. Students came trickling in until they became a steady stream of visitors. Most of them had no idea what I was going through on a personal level, but their enthusiasm and willingness to explore the depths of their beautiful multidimensional selves inspired me. The teachers I had hired out of nothing more than gut instinct became dear friends and trusted colleagues. The friends I had had for many years held me in their arms and carried me through on the days it seemed too much, and something magical happened. I fell in love.... with yoga and with the beautiful Sangha that was emerging at JCY.</div>
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As I look back today, I believe that all I went through was necessary. Every day is more joyful than I ever dreamed possible. I feel deeply blessed, and I think that perhaps the losses I suffered then were necessary to clear space for this incredibly rich and full life that has emerged. </div>
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On opening day last year, I copied a poem that inspired me into my journal. I wrote it there as an intention...a wish...I hoped that at some point I would grow to feel completely aligned with the sentiment and the words. Miraculously, I can say that today it speaks for exactly what I feel. I share it with you as a reminder of the power of intention in your life, of the rewards of honoring the cry of your soul, and of the inexhaustible resiliency of the human spirit. </div>
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Namaste</div>
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<strong style="font-weight: 400;"><em><span style="font-family: Gill Sans MT; font-size: large;">Now I Become Myself</span></em></strong></div>
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<strong style="font-weight: 400;"><em><span style="font-family: Gill Sans MT;">May Sarton</span></em></strong></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans MT'; font-size: large;">Now I become myself. It's taken </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Gill Sans MT; font-size: large;">Time, many years and places;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Gill Sans MT; font-size: large;">I have been dissolved and shaken,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Gill Sans MT; font-size: large;">Worn other people's faces,</span></div>
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Run madly, as if Time were there,</div>
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Terribly old, crying a warning,</div>
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"Hurry, you will be dead before--"</div>
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(What? Before you reach the morning?</div>
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Or the end of the poem is clear?</div>
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Or love safe in the walled city?)</div>
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Now to stand still, to be here,</div>
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Feel my own weight and density!</div>
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The black shadow on the paper</div>
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Is my hand; the shadow of a word</div>
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As thought shapes the shaper</div>
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Falls heavy on the page, is heard.</div>
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All fuses now, falls into place</div>
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From wish to action, word to silence,</div>
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My work, my love, my time, my face</div>
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Gathered into one intense</div>
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Gesture of growing like a plant.</div>
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As slowly as the ripening fruit</div>
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Fertile, detached, and always spent,</div>
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Falls but does not exhaust the root,</div>
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So all the poem is, can give,</div>
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Grows in me to become the song,</div>
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Made so and rooted by love.</div>
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Now there is time and Time is young.</div>
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O, in this single hour I live</div>
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All of myself and do not move.</div>
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I, the pursued, who madly ran,</div>
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Stand still, stand still, and stop the sun!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04202127596490205877noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3687277687504969687.post-33214136115276357192013-02-03T07:06:00.000-08:002013-02-03T07:14:48.451-08:00Yoga is Love<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EGuOtro3ahI/UQ5pyzhHiEI/AAAAAAAAADI/tN-wSe0lI70/s1600/heartmudra.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EGuOtro3ahI/UQ5pyzhHiEI/AAAAAAAAADI/tN-wSe0lI70/s1600/heartmudra.jpg" /></a></div>
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It's February, and love is being mass-marketed everywhere you look. The internet is full of lists of things to do, meals to prepare, gifts to give, and words to say on Valentine's Day. February 14th is both hailed as a day to show someone you love just how much you care, and scorned as an overly commercialized invention with too much pressure for couples who are in love and too much anxiety for those who are not.</div>
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Wherever you land on that spectrum, it seems to me that devoting a day to the glorification of Love is a worthwhile endeavor. In fact, at the studio, I've declared that the entire month is all about Love. There are love songs on our playlists, heart opening poses in our classes, partner focused asanas, and even a workshop on the Heart Chakra. And guess what? You don't have to be "in love" with a single person to be constantly in Love. In fact, broadening the idea of what constitutes love and how it might show up in our world might just open your heart in ways you never dreamed possible.</div>
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To me, Yoga <i>is</i> Love. </div>
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The Greeks differentiated between 3 different types of love: Eros, the intimate love between a couple, rife with sexual attraction and desire; Philos, the platonic love between two people who are friends or family members, and Agape, unconditional, all-encompassing, selfless, spiritual, even divine, Love.</div>
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Most of the love that we encounter in our modern world falls into the first two categories and most of it, even while it nourishes and sustains us, is characterized by need and desire. We crave connection to other people. We need them to provide affirmation, affection, support. This is the human condition which is why it is so astonishing to encounter Agape. Agape is reserved for Gods and Saints whose self-less embrace of all of humanity demonstrates a love beyond the ordinary. In our time, Mother Theresa and Ghandi stand out. Jesus, of course, is the ultimate example, but we are all capable of this, and Yoga invites us to it.</div>
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At the heart of yoga is the idea that through the eight fold path, the lines between "you" and "I" dissolve. When we dive deep into our own consciousness and connect with our own soul, we also find the connection to divine consciousness, and we learn to recognize the same in every single being we encounter. As Rumi so elequently puts it:</div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;">Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;">there is a field.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;">I'll meet you there.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;">When the soul lies down in that grass,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;">the world is too full to talk about.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;">Ideas, language, even the phrase</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;"><em>each other</em></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;">doesn't make any sense.</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></div>
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And the beauty of seeing the world through this lens (even if it only comes in glimpses) is that we might be able to live constantly and ecstatically in Love. If I can remove my neediness and my desires, and understand that you are me, and I am you, then your joy becomes my joy, your happiness my happiness, your achievement my achievement, "every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you" (<i>Song of Myself</i>, Whitman).<br />
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There may never be greeting cards devoted to this kind of love, and it's unlikely that many of us will ever be able to completely live this way, but practicing yoga, dissolving the self through the physicality of asana, the stillness of meditation, the adherence to yamas and niyamas, might just give us a moment or two of clarity...and maybe, just maybe, those moment will grow longer and more sustained until they can resist the influences of the "I" culture in which we live. Can you dare to imagine a world where this is the norm? </div>
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Let it begin by making February a meditation on just this kind of self-less Love. Become like the Sun in the poem below by Hafiz. Love without restraint or expectation, and let all of creation become your Valentine.</div>
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Even<br />After<br />All this time<br />The Sun never says to the Earth,<br /><br />"You owe me."<br /><br />Look<br />What happens<br />With a love like that,<br />It lights the whole sky.</h1>
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<b>-Hafiz</b></div>
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Happy Valentine"s Day!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04202127596490205877noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3687277687504969687.post-79856616223842581252013-01-16T04:10:00.000-08:002013-01-16T04:10:40.877-08:00Loving the Questions<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: fenwick-1, fenwick-2, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -1px; line-height: 21px;"><i>I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.</i></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: fenwick-1, fenwick-2, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -1px; line-height: 21px;"><i>Rilke "Letters to a Young Poet"</i></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: fenwick-1, fenwick-2, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: -1px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span">I took a leadership assessment this week. Not to be confused with a personality test, this is an "attitudinal test." According to the introduction, it measures your level of energy based on your attitude or perception and perspective of your world." Fascinating, right? </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Verdana, 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span">I'm still waiting on the debrief, so I'm sure I will have more to report next week, but the taking of the test was interesting and revealing all by itself.</span><br />
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This is one of those tests where the answers are numbered and range from "Always true" to Never true." The questions are things like, "I believe that I alone am responsible for my success or failure." or "I think most people are selfish." or "I always need to win." These are paraphrased, and may not even be on the test, but you get the idea. The interesting thing for me about answering questions like this is that I found it almost impossible to pin myself down. It was indescribably difficult for me to commit to how I think or feel because, really, what I think and feel changes constantly. My circumstances change constantly. The people around me change constantly. My work changes constantly. How then, can I answer questions like this or measure my attitude with anything like certainty? What I answer will be true right now. It might be true most of the time, but in a minute, everything could change.<br />
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There was a time in my not so distant past when I was certain of everything. I would have comfortably, confidently and easily answered every question, sure of how I felt and what I thought. Certainty, in fact, was the hallmark of my life a year and a half ago. I believed I knew exactly who I was. I had an absolutely unshakeable belief in the plans I had laid out for my future. I could have articulated with clarity exactly what my life would look like in 10 years or 20 or 30. I knew who I would be with, where I would be living, how I would be feeling. And then, with two sentences from my former spouse, in less than 10 minutes, it all vanished.<br />
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(OK. Pause....I know that the vast majority of you are now eager for the salacious details. Take a breath, lovely readers, we're not going there today. More to be revealed on that front at some other time, <i>smile</i>)<br />
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The point is, there is no such thing as certainty. I had built a lovely house of cards, and when the winds of change blew through, at first I ran frantically about trying to gather the pieces and at least get them back into some sort of order. But it quickly became apparent that the destruction was too far reaching. I grieved the loss of my dreams and plans, but it didn't take long before I began to feel a sense of adventure. Suddenly, absolutely anything was possible. My life could take shape in any one of a million different ways, and I had no idea which way it might turn. That was interesting, I dare say, even exciting.<br />
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I've had some time now to really dwell in uncertainty, and I've come to realize that regardless of what I believed, my life was always uncertain. Everyone's is, in fact, and that is one of the greatest and most delicious gifts of our existence. Every day, every moment, offers a surprise. Sometimes the surprises are delightful: the trilling of a wren outside a kitchen window, the glimpse of a deer in the backyard, the embrace of a friend you run into unexpectedly, the unsolicited hug from your child. Sometimes they are annoying: traffic on your way to work, burnt toast, a lost wallet. Sometimes they bring incredible joy, and sometimes unspeakable sorrow, but the truth is, we never <i>really</i> know what's coming.<br />
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Furthermore, if the circumstances of our life are uncertain, so are the things we think we know. Knowledge is slippery. Just when we think we have a thing figured out, it changes. Science, Math, History, all are fraught with uncertainty, and so is every base of information we've ever had. Rather than find this unsettling, however, we ought to find this thrilling. As individuals, we are on a lifelong inquiry. We get to explore, dream, discover, unravel, question, and imagine over and over and over again. If we knew the answers to all of our questions, if we could see clearly how our futures would unfold, how stale and uninteresting it would all be!<br />
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I, for one, love the questions. I love waking up every day not knowing what the day might bring. I like that I have no idea where I will be in 10 years, or even one. The uncertainty deepens my thirst for life. It makes me want to know and feel all of it, the good and the bad. It makes me interested in other people in a more profound way. It makes me savor every drop of every moment. It reminds me of how small I am in the big scheme of things and how little control I have.<br />
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One of the Niyamas, or "rules" from Patanjali's Yoga Sutras is Ishvara pranidhana. Like all Sanskrit terms this can be translated in many ways, but mostly it means surrender to the divinity within. This is a tough one for many people. It requires an enormous separation from ego, but if we allow ourselves to live in uncertainty, to let go of our need for answers and clarity and control, it becomes much easier to offer ourselves to a higher consciousness. What choice is there except to turn ourselves over in trust and faith to the divine that animates us all?<br />
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This is what yoga has become for me. I am sure of nothing, but I sense a connection to something powerful, constant and loving when I sit in meditation. I feel an energy, a vibration, coursing through my body in asana practice. Each pose teaches me that every day is new and different. Sometimes I can recreate what came the day before. Sometimes I can't. Some days I am able to do something altogether new and unexpected, and some days, the simplest pose topples me over. And all of it is okay as long as I approach my practice with curiosity as an inquiry rather than something I need to master and control.<br />
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Somewhere along the way, I suspect, this is a lesson we all have to learn in yoga and in life. The path there is often painful and difficult, but once you arrive, you may just enjoy it... I know I do.<br />
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Peace<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04202127596490205877noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3687277687504969687.post-85659957672988166572013-01-08T15:24:00.000-08:002013-01-08T15:24:35.202-08:00Creating SpaceThis week at <a href="http://johnscreekyoga.com/">Johns Creek Yoga</a>, much of our focus has been on creating space. It's January which means a recommitment to practice for some of our yogis, and we're running a special, so we've welcomed many new students into the studio. Classes are very full, and it has been a challenge to fit everyone into the rooms. We've had to ask people to step outside of their comfort zone, to shift their mats, and to move back into beginner's mind in order to accommodate all of the students. This has required a generosity of spirit and an openness on everyone's part, and it has been touching to see so many people selflessly moving to make others comfortable. <div>
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And here's a secret: this practice of creating space is really the essence of all we do when we begin to live consciously both on and off the mat. In yoga, we spread the collar bones wide, drop the shoulders away from the ears, lengthen the spine, inner spiral the thighs, spread our toes and fingers wide apart and invite the breath to fill the vacuum, flooding the body with Prana and energizing every cell. The space we create deepens our experience of each pose; it strengthens our alignment and allows us to transcend the limitations we believe we have. </div>
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Imagine if we could invite this same openness into other areas of our lives? The good news is that we can, and here's how:</div>
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1. <b>Claim a sacred space for yourself. </b> I am fortunate enough to have the studio, empty and silent in the early morning hours, but your space could be anywhere. It can be as big as an open field or sandy beach, or it can be as small as your 68 inches of yoga mat. Make this an area where you can spend time undisturbed by the barrage of your electronic devices. Make it clear to the people in your life that when you are in this space, you are unavailable. Then be sure that you really do check out. Sit down and quiet the chatter of your own mind. Tune into the flow of your breath and the rhythm of your heart, and into that quiet space invite inspiration. Follow the impulse of the body. If it prods you to move, Move. If it beckons you to stillness, Be Still. We have become a culture on the go, constantly connected to inanimate devices, removed from our own spirit and disengaged from our own bodies. Taking time every day to simply make your own acquaintance will open you to the abundance of the universe in the same way that creating space in the body can open you to a deeper pose.</div>
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2.<b> Clean the clutter out of your life.</b> Most of us recognize that in our homes and businesses, every now and then we have to clear out what we no longer need. The same is true in our relationships and personal development. Take stock of the people and activities that claim your time and energy. Ask yourself if they still serve to strengthen you and help you grow or if they are limiting you in some way. Notice if you do things out of obligation rather than passion. Then eliminate what no longer brings you joy or invigorates you. If you are longing for deeper connections with people who are awake in the world, you may have to remove yourself from shallow connections that served a need at one point but no longer resonate. If you want to cultivate habits and pursuits that align with your heart's deepest desires, you may have to eliminate the ones that have grown stale. Give yourself permission to do this and follow through.</div>
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3. <b>Let go.</b> Really. Let. Go. Yes. This is the biggest challenge, but it is the most significant step to truly create space for possibility. If you are holding on to resentments, injuries, heartbreaks or unfulfilled desires, let them go. We store every experience deep in our bodies, minds and hearts, so start on the mat. Practice breathing in possibility and breathing out negativity. Practice shining the heart forward into the space you create by drawing the shoulder blades together and tilting the head back. Open the hips to release whatever stresses and traumas you've been storing there. Then consciously let go of the emotions and sensations you discover. Forgive the people who've hurt you no matter how deep the injury. Forgive yourself if you have been the source of your own wounds. Allow beauty and goodness to flood the space where negative emotions used to lie and bathe in the vitality you create there.</div>
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Easy? Of course not! Growth never is. It hasn't been easy to find the space for every new student at the studio this week, and it is never easy to find space in the architecture of the body to move deeper into our yoga poses. Creating space for personal development and self-realization is naturally even more difficult. Like yoga, it's a practice, and we have a lifetime to get it right, but imagine what may await when we create even a little bit more room.... </div>
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Perhaps, as Thoreau suggests, we will become, "a Columbus to whole new continents and worlds within... opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought." Perhaps we can even create the space for the life we dare to imagine.</div>
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Peace.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04202127596490205877noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3687277687504969687.post-85892337397614186632013-01-03T14:20:00.000-08:002013-01-03T14:20:25.024-08:00Welcome to Yoga with Sheila!After spending a great deal of time in my classes this week discussing the value or lack thereof in making New Year's Resolutions, I must confess that my personal list of resolutions is lengthy, and one of them is taking shape right now. I resolved to (finally) start a yoga blog, and my first order of business is to offer you an enthusiastic and excited WELCOME!<br />
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My hope is that this blog will become a venue for all of us, our beautiful Johns Creek Yoga sangha, to supplement and enrich the discussions we so often have on the mat before and after classes. The practice of yoga is rich and layered, and what we do primarily with the body in our 90 minutes together can only touch the edges of it.<br />
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In this context, I look forward to sharing some of the lessons, inquiries and explorations that inform my own practice and my teaching, and I sincerely hope that each of you will lend your voices and responses in order to create an ongoing conversation. I will try to post at least once a week, and I will include many of the poems, songs and readings that I so often share in class.<br />
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Today I offer you the beautiful words of Oriah Mountain Dreamer, poet, spiritualist and beautiful soul. If you don't know her work, I highly recommend you start with <u>The Invitation</u>. The poem below is <u>The Call </u> from the book of the same name. I write privately, and now publicly, in answer to the call she describes, and I invite each of you, as Oriah does, to discover and lend your word to the great poem we write together.<br />
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<b><i>The Call</i></b></div>
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I have heard it all my life, A voice calling a name I recognized as my own.</div>
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Sometimes it comes as a soft-bellied whisper. Sometimes it holds an edge of urgency.</div>
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But always it says: Wake up my love. You are walking asleep. There's no safety in that!</div>
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Remember what you are and let this knowing take you home to the Beloved with every breath.</div>
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Hold tenderly who you are and let a deeper knowing colour the shape of your humanness.</div>
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There is no where to go. What you are looking for is right here. </div>
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Open the fist clenched in wanting and see what you already hold in your hand.</div>
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There is no waiting for something to happen, no point in the future to get to. </div>
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All you have ever longed for is here in this moment, right now.</div>
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You are wearing yourself out with all this searching. Come home and rest.</div>
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How much longer can you live like this? Your hungry spirit is gaunt, your heart stumbles. </div>
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All this trying. Give it up!</div>
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Let yourself be one of the God-mad, faithful only to the Beauty you are.</div>
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Let the Lover pull you to your feet and hold you close, dancing even when fear urges you to sit this one out.</div>
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Remember- there is one word you are here to say with your whole being. </div>
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When it finds you, give your life to it. Don't be tight-lipped and stingy.</div>
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Spend yourself completely on the saying. </div>
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Be one word in this great love poem we are writing together.</div>
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© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book <i>The Call</i>, HarperONE, San Francisco 2003</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I will end with the words of one of my favorite teachers..."More to be revealed." Check back or, better yet, subscribe to receive your weekly update.</span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04202127596490205877noreply@blogger.com0